Having two daughters myself, and a fairly firm degree of certainty a baby boy is not in our future, there are a few things I've noticed speaking to my friends and family who have little boys. Things that mothers and fathers experience differently, as well as dilemmas I may never experience, and, in many cases, visa versa. It got me thinking. Does either parent have it harder? Easier? Being a child of six, three boys and three girls equally, and 12 nephews and nieces, the following examples and insights are based on both a parent's perspective, and the perspective of sibling, aunt, daughter, and friend.
1. Diaper Surprises...
That's not where it goes silly!!!
Parents of baby boys will always need that "teepee pee pee" thing (or is it "pee pee teepee"?) when its time to change their little bundles of joy. Many parents learn pretty much day one what incredible aim and range these Tommy's and Johnny's have! Most often, right in the face! Have you ever walked across a lawn only to have the timer go off on a sprinkler system? Hopefully, its a hot summer day and you find yourself somewhat refreshed as you're running for dear life! That's the best way I can explain it. Except for the refreshing part, and being unable to run. You simply must take it like a champ and learn the very handy lesson of covering before you get sprayed! Now, this is not to say changing our pink princesses are easier, in fact, my husband often calls me for help and my two year old is so used to my instructions she will often say "always down, never up". That's about as much as I will say on that because girls just don't speak about these things;)
2. Video Violence
"Die Mother Blankers!!!"
3. Play Date Disasters and Hurt Feelings
"The Age of Mean Girls is Getting Younger"
(Is this really new? Posting the link anyway for anyone who thought it was ever different!)
Little girls have their own play date disasters. They are more prone to be competitive in a "caddy" way. They compare clothes and name brands. They often compete to see who's the prettiest or who is the "better friend". How heartbreaking the thought is that one day my daughter's self-esteem will be affected in some way by the whim of a little girl who has, for whatever reason, placed a target on her back! It is so important for me to instill a strong internal value system within my girls that they will be able to weather these types of "mean girl" storms as well as an understanding that who they are is not defined by the jealousy or moodiness (that's right I said moody!) of other girls. My want for them is the ability to form bonds and lasting friendships full of trust, compassion, and faith in their "sisters". Because, everyone knows when women join forces...there is no stopping them! (And, just in case my hopes get dashed, they have each other...and they BETTER stick together and stand up for one another because sisters are best friends God gives you!!!). This may sound naïve, but I find myself optimistic they will not view other girls as threats...but rather allies, friends, and partners in crime. They will lend and borrow, build up rather than tear down. (Again, not to say boys don't do this as well, just saying.).
4. Boys and Girls are Both Messy!
"Frills and Fabulous!!!"
Let's face it...kids will be kids! However, I personally find myself washing my daughter's hands, cleaning her nails, brushing and re-brushing her hair, re-applying bows and barrettes enough times in a day to make her obsessive compulsive! (That's my issue, I get it...but humor me for a minute). If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me "Girls are so fun! You can dress them up in so many different styles" or "there are so many more options out there for little girls' clothes", I wouldn't be writing this blog!!! Somewhere, a very happy me would be on a beach drinking margaritas! So, in a way, the pressure for them to look good, stylish, and clean begins very early on. To this day, I have never had a pair of shoes on my daughters that didn't match their outfit or a bow that wasn't the exact shade of pink, or green, or violet! Again, not every girl is a "girlie" girl, and not every mother feels as I do now. (For the love of all that's holy, my own mother had me in my brother's hand-me-downs as a child and dressing up was for special occasions!) And, yes, within the confines of our household, they are allowed to be messy, to have fun, their hair may be crazy and we may even stay in our pj's. But in public? Not when I'm with them! Their father is a different story. That's where I (sometimes) will give some leeway. Because, I think its super cute to watch him try and dress her and never want him to feel less of a parent than myself. One day, I may not be around to answer her questions or pick her clothes and he may be the only one they have. (Wow...Debbie Downer!!! I get it.)...But her hair, no way. He's not allowed near it...and he knows it! My oldest knows it too. Her hair is mine until she's 18 and that is that!
5. Sharing Too Much or Not Enough
"And then what happened?"
(Oh if these mother-daughter talks could always stay this simple!)
Girls tend to share a lot more than boys, especially with their mothers. I for one told my mother the first time a boy kissed me in a "foreign" way and when I lost my virginity. (Heaven forgive me, my daughters better be 30 when that day comes!!! My mother, not so lucky. Sorry mom.) But, I told her everything. Hid nothing. Never lied and gave her way too much information that she actually had to tell me "I don't want to know" on more than one occasion! However, on the other hand, boys tend to internalize more, show feelings less, and are more likely to compartmentalize their fears, tears, and what is bothering them. My heart breaks for the mommies who are begging their boys to tell them what's wrong, only to have them not answer, or give an "I don't know" or "nothing". The fathers who have to teach them when its okay to cry and when its time to "man up"!
"I don't even know you and wish you would tell me what's wrong!!!"
(This picture was actually taken of a boy who spent the entire day in his room, waiting for a compliment from his father).
Prom dresses and bridal gowns will always cost more than rented suits and tuxes...Mother's of girls will have to step aside as fathers give their baby girls away and dance with them on their wedding day. Reminiscing through tears all the nights they rocked their precious angels to sleep, fixed their boo boo's, and comforted them when they were sick and all they wanted was their mom. And fathers of sons will have to do the same and as mothers dance with their boys on their special day, they too, think of every baseball toss, fishing trip, and birds and bees talk. At some point, we will all have to let go and hope we have prepared to them flourish into adulthood. Your baby is your baby. Although, raising them may take you on slightly different paths, the approach and love is the same. It has to be!
Maybe my husband and I will just have to try for a boy and find out! (Just kidding Mom!!!;)
"WHAT???"
